Raising Kids:
Parenting Skills for the 21st Century
Dating
Most teenagers will at some point either be interested in dating or will be approached to go on a date. Dating can be a fun and interesting time for teens as they are beginning to take interest in the opposite sex and find their identity as young men and women. The challenge is that dating means very different things to different people. What follows are some suggestions to help you and your children survive the dating years safely and with your wits intact.
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Determine the dating age that is appropriate for your family, for example 16. Many families have a set age at which dating is allowed, same as with driving, ear piercings, etc. This has the positive affect of taking pressure off your kids until they reach a certain age. They can simply tell their friends, "my parents don't allow dating until ____." It also takes pressure off mom and dad if the older siblings were made to wait as well. The message is, our family does not believe in dating before the age of ____.
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Always know your teenager's date and his parents. Simply put, if you have not met a kid's parents, your child should not be dating him/her. This will sometimes require extra effort on your part, if you do not already know the family, but it is well worth the effort. Meeting a kid's parents in person gives them more of a stake in what their child does with yours. Also, if there is any follow up from the date that involves the parents, you are one step closer to handling it.
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Encourage dating in groups. It is safer and there is less pressure when kids go out together in groups. Intimacy of any kind is more difficult given the number of observers and kids typically have an out in that they can leave when their friend leaves. This also gives your child a chance to get to know the person they are dating in a group setting and decide if they ever want to be alone with that person.
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Know exactly when and where they will be and use a cell phone. Set clear expectations for where your teenager will be throughout the evening and be clear that those are the only places allowed. If going to someone's home there must be an adult present whom you know. This is one instance where I strongly advocate for teens to have a cell phone. Your teen should check in with you periodically throughout the night and you should make it clear that if you call the cell phone and there is no answer, it will mean restriction from dating. If your child is late there should be serious consequences. This is a matter of safety above all else.
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Talk to your teens about how they should handle themselves in certain situations. For example, if they are offered alcohol or drugs or are being pressured into unwanted physical contact. They should know that they can always call you and you will come pick them up. They should also feel free to use you as the 'excuse' why they will not do certain things. Every kid understands the wrath of strict parents and that may be your child's best out in a pressure situation.
Above all, help your kids to understand that you are concerned with their safety and happiness above all else. Do your best to give them their space and trust them to do the right thing. But, as with all parenting challenges you must think ahead to all the potential outcomes and be prepared to act if necessary.
Drugs Abuse, Alcohol & Smoking
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