Raising Kids:

Parenting Skills for the 21st Century

Day Care

You may find this page to be the most controversial so far on the web site. First a few disclaimers. My wife and I have used child care and have also had many years with her as a stay at home Mom. So, on that basis, I feel qualified to render an informed opinion on the positive and negative impacts of childcare. But first we will explore what others have said.

The decision whether to put your kids in childcare can be very difficult as the issue is laden with emotions and opinions on all sides and the research data on its impacts often conflict. Many parents agonize for months over the decision only to end up filled with guilt and self doubt once they make a decision.

First, let's start with what I have found to be the most objective study on the subject, a research study by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development involving 1,000 families that set out to illustrate the effects of dozens of complex variables from child care on child development. The findings came in a consensus report by 29 top researchers, some of whom once disagreed. In paraphrase form, here is what the report concluded.

On whether full-time child care hurts the child the conclusion was that it brings both risks and potential benefits to a child as outlined below:

1. In the first three years it may cause less sensitive mothering and less positive mother-child interactions. These effects decrease as the child approaches kindergarten.
2. Based on reports by caregivers and teachers, it negatively effects behavior. The more time your child spends in non maternal care before 4 1/2 years of age, the more likely he or she is to show aggressive and disobedient behavior by kindergarten. The first six months of a baby's life emerge as the most important time to avoid lots of non maternal care.
3. On the positive side, kids in child-care centers tend to have better language, problem-solving and memory skills at 4 1/2, even when compared with children at home with their mothers.
4. There is a big difference in high-quality and low quality child care. Mother-child relations and academic skills are enhanced following higher vs. lower quality care.
5. Child care may have an overall positive effect on the family as a whole if it helps the family escape poverty or provide a better home environment. In these specific cases, the benefits of child care may outweigh the risks.

According to Sarah Friedman, the study's scientific coordinator, the most important point for parents to take away from the study, is that whether it's from a mother, a father, an aunt, a grandmother or a devoted nanny or sitter, "children need consistent and committed tender loving care."

So, the scientific community provides no easy answers to the question of whether or not to use child care. This is a deeply personal decision in which only you can decide what's best for your child and for your family.

That being said, for what it's worth, here is how my wife and I assessed the issue and made our decision:

1. The data are not conclusive whether the benefits outweigh the risks.
2. No matter how much effort we put into guarnteeing that the child care we use is high quality, we cannot ultimately control how others will treat our child when we are not around.
3. Our children at any age, would rather be with us than with a stranger. They have less stress and less anxiety when they are with mom and dad than with any other adult.

4. We want what is best for our children. If the physical, psychological and financial benefits to our child of us both working outweighed the potential risks of child care we would consider it.

5. If we could rely on a family member (i.e. grandmother) to watch our child we would consider it.

In the end, we decided not to use child care and my wife has put her career on hold to raise our children full time. We do send our kids to preschool at age 2-3 for a few hours two days per week. For us, this has worked quite well.

Tantrums