Raising Kids:
Parenting Skills for the 21st Century
Manners
Manners matter. They impact the impression we leave on people. They help us to make others feel valued and comfortable in our presence. They can make the difference between getting hired and not getting hired. They show people that we care about ourselves and the people around us.
Some basic manners all children should know and use:
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'Please' and 'Thank You' - Although these seem so obvious, it is amazing how many kids do not use them consistently. Ask your kids to use them and remind them to say the words everytime they forget.
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Show respect for adults - Kids should give way to adults in a crowded hallway, open doors for adults, not interrupt adults, pay attention when adults are speaking. In the South, addressing adults as 'Sir' and 'Ma'am' is commonplace. This is always preferable, but may seem awkward in some communities. If you want your kids to use 'Sir' and 'Ma'am' it is critical to start early to make this a habit. In most instance, referring to adults as Mr. or Mrs ______ is completely acceptable.
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Table manners - Bad table manners can keep you from landing a job, getting a second date, etc. The very basics everyone should know include placing your napkin on your lap; keeping elbows off the table; cutting with the knife in your right hand and fork in your left, then switching the fork to your right to bite; never eating with your mouth open; never reaching across others' plates; never slurping your drink; standing when a woman arrives or leaves the table.
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Phone manners - Children should answer the phone 'Smith's residence, John speaking'. When calling another number, children should identify themselves, ask for the person they are calling and use 'please' and 'thank you'. It is amazing the positive impression good phone manners creates and the opposite is also true!
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Thank you notes - The receipt of every gift (birthday, Christmas, etc.) must be followed up with a hand written thank you note. This shows appreciation for the gift and the effort made on their behalf. Writing a thank you note following a job interview makes a huge impression, and teaching your kids early makes this second nature.
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Cotillion is a great way to learn more manners. If your town offers a Cotillion program, you may want to consider getting your adolescents and teens involved. As part of the program, they teach advanced table manners and how to act at a formal function. These skills may come in handy down the road. These programs are not nearly as stuffy or as expensive as they once were.
The bottom line is that manners matter. Practicing good manners daily in your home will save you embarrasment when you are around others with your kids and will help them develop skills that will prove useful the rest of their lives.
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