Raising Kids:
Parenting Skills for the 21st Century
The Role of Extended Family
Extended family is defined here as being comprised of all those individuals who are not part of the immediate family but are related by blood or marriage: grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles and aunts, nieces and nephews, cousins and in-laws.
Our extended family serves some very important roles in the upbringing of our children. Below are just a few:
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They give kids a sense of identity - When children come to realize that they are part of a lineage, a heritage beyond their family unit, it helps them understand thier family's place in the world and where they've come from.
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They provide security - Children often ask questions about who would care for the them if mom and dad were not around. The answer almost always includes extended family. Share with your kids the custody provisions in your will so they know that if you ever weren't around that they would be cared for by others who love them.
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They can be very fun - Cousins have much in common and act as ready made friends. Grandparents main purpose is spoiling grandkids. Uncles and aunts are seen as cooler than mom and dad.
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They can teach us lessons - Because we know much about our family members' personal lives, they provide an opportunity for us to learn from their mistakes. Talk openly with your kids about challenges their family is going through, how they are handling them, and how you are supporting them.
Below are some suggestions of ways to take full advantage of the benefits extended family offer our kids:
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Visit them often - If you are fortunate enough to live near extended family, make them a part of your day to day to life. Find ways for your kids to spend quality time with them. If you live apart from them, plan vacations at least once a year to visit with them. If visiting is not possible, help your kids stay in touch through phone calls, emails and pen palling.
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Talk about them often - Oral histories can be very powerful. Create your own family legends by telling stories of Uncle Pete in the Great War, Great Grandma Sally as one of the first women ever to vote, Aunt Jenny and her state record in the 500.
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Remember them at Birthdays, Holidays and significant events - Show your kids that you are connected by sending gifts or cards on Birthdays and Holidays. Make the effort to attend weddings, graduations, etc. If finances do not allow the entire family to attend, at least send a representatiive who can report back on all that occured.
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Fix broken relationships - If you are not close to someone in your extended family, consider mending the relationship at least enough for them to participate in you childrens' lives. To not do so is very unfair as you are making the decision for your kids whether they can have a relationship with their entire family.
The harsh reality is that our children will most likely live at least 25% of their lives after we are gone. What a great gift it is to leave them with a strong and stable extended family to love and support them for years to come.
Sleeping Through the Night
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