Raising Kids:

Parenting Skills for the 21st Century

Work/Life Balance

For some people, balancing work and family life appears to present a great conundrum that goes someting like this... "I must work hard to care for my family, but the harder I work, the less I am around to care for them."

In reality, the problem is actually solvable if you employ one clear principle: 

"No amount of success at work can compensate for a failure at home."

Simply put, if at any time, the pursuit of a promotion, a raise, or other professional accomplishment causes you to neglect your family for more than a very short period of time, you are out of balance.

Where many parents go wrong is in fooling themselves into thinking that their children benefit most by the acquisition of stuff: a big house, new cars, expensive clothes, playstation II, restaurant meals, etc., when in actuality, what kids want most is THEIR PARENTS. Although they will never admit it, children of all ages cherish the attention of their parents and thrive on the active participation of their parents in the life of the family. Rather than needing "quality vs. quantity" time, kids truely want and need both.

Having said that, we all must earn a living and life is definitely made easier by a larger salary and the conveniences it provides. Over the years, I have found that the best test is to ask yourself, "How many times this week did my children need me, to help with homework, to read them a book, to attend their game or school function, etc. when I wasn't there?"

If you find yourself citing several instances, I would suggest you are out of work/life balance.  If so, here are a few suggestions to help you get back in:

1. Schedule family time on your calendar first. If specific times are set aside to spend with your kids before the calendar fills up, it will help prevent conflicts.
2. Have a special night each week when the family gets together for a family meeting, ice cream party, to play cards or a board game, watch a movie, etc. In my family we call this the "3 Fs" for Forced, Family, Fun. 
3. Sit at the table together for every Sunday dinner and as many times as possible during the week. If schedules make this difficult, try to block out one night a week, sit together for breakfast or meet for lunch whenever possible.
4. Have a heart to heart talk with your boss to help him/her understand that there are times when you will be compelled to put the needs of your family above work. If you do not abuse the privelage, most employers will show greater flexiblity than you would expect. 
5. In the most extreme case, you may need to consider a career change, from one that requires excessive travel, for example. If this is the case, never forget that your ultimate goal is a strong and stable family. If you do find yourself looking for another job, you may want to check out the free web site www.youare marketable.com. It provides tips on applying for employment with a Fortune 500 company. 

 The Role of Extended Family